in order to be myself with 100% conviction, I must acknowledge and embrace all of my darkness. I must be held accountable for all my mistakes, and my past associations in order to be authentic. I must give up my desire to not look “bad”. I must be honest and stop making excuses.
over the last couple weeks, I have been feeling conflicted. I have been triggered by others’ conversations, and I have had to look close at my own boundaries with myself and others. This is a great gift and opportunity which I am thankful for, as painful as it may be. I think duality is an important thing to look at when examining ourselves. We are all The perpetrator and The victim. My desire to see and speak the truth is outweighing any of my past inkling to shield others from it.
so I have officially signed on to teach a course in Slam Poetry at Portland Community College (PCC) starting in January. This course will offer a brief history of slam, and focus on improving writing and performing while enriching each students’ individual “voice” and character. The class will take place on Thursday evenings from January 16th-February 20th. I will post more info and links to how to sign up to anyone who is interested or knows someone who might be 🙂
I am super excited to be teaching this class. Throughout my years in slam I have had the pleasure to work and workshop with many different people of all ages and backgrounds, and it will be great to get back into “teacher mode” again.
For those of you who are “uninitiated” the National Poetry Slam is currently underway in Boston, MA this week. While I was all prepped and ready to go, ticket in hand, my Dr. advised me that since I am 36 weeks pregnant, flying across the country to a city I have never been to so close to the end of my pregnancy was probably not the safest or smartest thing to do right now. I was more than bummed about this. The last Nationals I attended was in 2010, and every year I do not attend, I feel a huge empty space in my I admire and consider close friends, but because I leave artistically inspired and floating on a high of creative energy for the next several weeks after.
Luckily, this year, the host city has blessed us non attendees with a play by play of every bout of the competition…with sound bites!
if you are interested in some of what makes this art movement wonderful I encourage you to check out the slam center podcasts this week
I sent off manuscripts to two publishers in the last week, and will be keeping my fingers tightly crossed til I hear back from them 🙂
Lately it seems like good things are abounding, but I’m not sure if it is hormones or what, but the last two weeks have been very difficult for me emotionally. As I start to get bigger and physical tasks become harder, I become more and more aware of my “single and pregnant” status. It hasn’t really been a huge deal up until now, as I am pretty ok with not having a steady partner (for like the first time in my life), and since I came from a single parent household, it doesn’t feel awkward, but it is hard when there is no one to share in the experience, to come to dr appointments, to lift heavy things for me, or give me a ride to work when my feet are too sore to walk comfortably. I get frustrated when I am an emotionally wreck and there is no one there to say “its going to be ok. I’m here for you” . I am feeling so all or nothing and finalized these days. I have been telling myself that having a child will now prevent me from relationships in the future…which I know isn’t true. Mostly, I am thinking all of my feelings are due to hormonal stuff, lack of sleep, exhaustion, and general anxiety. I don’t even know why I am writing all of this down other than venting and getting it off my chest, since there isn’t anyone I can talk to about it.
ok done now.
on toward positivity