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this grown up stuff is hard work

I’m still learning.
The learning is hard.
The lessons are work.
It’s a struggle.
I’m trying hard to let go.
To let go of my mistakes

I still make them often.

I’m learning to accept help.
I am learning to be honest with myself.
To see my insecurities in full
To place them on display.
To not react
but to release

To feel the guilt
to understand that others’ feelings
are not my own
that I do not need to answer to anyone but myself.

Empty

my mother was put in detox today for alcohol abuse. I am so proud of her for getting help as it has been a very stressful last couple weeks. It has not been her first time in treatment, but I hope it is her last and she can stay sober for the rest of her life. As someone who has also abused alcohol, I understand that at the core of this addiction is self medication, and I send her the upmost positive vibes in order to address the underlying issues that have triggered her relapse. She is the strongest woman I have ever met, and a joy in my life. I have a very complex relationship with my mother, but I can say that my love for her is deeper than any other person on this planet. This is a poem for her.