Maybe I’ve been watching too much Twin Peaks lately

I attempted suicide about little over 5 years ago. There is a part of me that feels like I must have died that night because everything in my life right now is so much better than I could have possibly imagined. Like I had slipped into the most perfect of dreams. Like it is all an illusion. Like this life was meant for someone else.

Advertisements

This is why I write

to unfold the electrical mat of my nervous system

the pieces of me

tucked in secret dark spots

hidden and hungry.

My body is nothing but nerves. I burn at the slightest touch

I react at the smallest word

I feel everything

as if my skin no longer protected

my precious softness

my mollusk organs

all too vulnerable.

When i was young

I wished for a hard shell

I wished for larger teeth

and sharper claws

but all I have is these nerves

that beg

“speak up”

Speak up

and this is why

through this fire

I walk with a pen

why I stand

in a spotlight

shaking

The only time I can forget the ache

is when I take it

and turn it

into something beautiful.

“”Where there was once one, there are now two. Or were there always two? What is a reflection? A chance to see two? When there are chances for reflections, there can always be two, or more. Only when we are everywhere will there be just one.”

-Margaret Lanterman AKA THe Log Lady

Aurora Wakes Up

I did not dream of a prince.

When I lay there

all he saw was his right

to wake me.

As if his kiss was the only thing

that could save the world.

But I am the one who dreams.

I am the one who is making this reality.

Don’t wake me

or all will perish.

I will become nothing more than your conquest.

Nothing more than a complacent

Beauty.

A woman to carry

over your threshold.

Did you ever ask me what I was dreaming about?

That before your eyes woke me from my slumber

I was the Queen of my own kingdom?

So powerful

fairies had to put a hit out on me

and spinning wheels were burned

as effigies.

Reduced to a verb and an adjective

and a passive player in my own story.

Call me Aurora, motherfucker!

I am the light!

I am the morning.

I am the one who wakes you up.

Don’t rouse me with tongues and the promise

of a happily every after

Give me a reason

to open my eyes.