I hate being immobile. I have a high motivation and drive. Last time I was pregnant I was in such a high place creatively, getting published and performing frequently. This time around…things are sooooo different.
I am having the hardest time slowing down and taking it easy. This pregnancy has been hard on my body the whole time, and resting has been the only way I’ve been able to cope, but all I want to do is continue to be productive.
It’s challenging for me, and I’m struggling to be ok with laying on the couch all day.
I’m struggling with saying no to certain things I would otherwise want to do.
I compare these photos from my first pregnancy vs my current pregnancy (at about 27 weeks pregnant) to showcase and remember just how different life is now. On the left I was a 28 year old wild child who dated throughout my pregnancy, lived in a house with rowdy musicians and artists and felt lonely all the time. On the right I am a 34 year old mother and wife who owns a house and is so much more stable in so many ways. I feel like sometimes I miss that woman on the left—her freedom. Her spunk. But there are so many things I have now that i could never have had then, or never even wanted back then.
I think to myself “isn’t it amazing how many different people we get to be in our lives?” I’ve been so many labels, so many masks so many filters and versions and memories and sometimes I don’t even recognize who that girl was. I don’t even see her as me.
Life is so wonderful that way. And I am always who I have always needed to be.